Prelude
by Your Undoing
Summary: What was going through Snape's mind as Harry Potter stepped up to be sorted? Rated T just in case...
1. Chapter 1

_Prelude  
_by_ Your Undoing  
Chapter 1  
_  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. --Backs away with hands raised--

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_Where was he? _

Thoughts fired through his brain faster than bullets as he fixed his eye on the small trickle of first years coming through the door. Sitting at the staff table, which was on a raised platform so as to watch over the four house tables, he was in a superb position to examine every shivering little whelp that stood behind the sorting hat. Furrowing his brow, his gaze panned slowly across the line of students.

_Where was he? _

Some ridiculous looking girl with large teeth; a scrawny red-head that must be yet another Weasley; a beefy looking boy who could've easily passed for a 3rd year; a mean looking girl with dark hair—

_There. _

The ruffled black hair. The prominent cheekbones. The scar.

_The eyes._

Even at such a distance, Severus Snape had no troubled recognizing the bright emerald peeking out from behind the boy's thick glasses.

_Her eyes._

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"Oy, Snivellus!"

He stiffened as the sickening familiar voice echoed down the hall. _Not today. Not now._

"Snivellus, I'm talking to you! Don't you know it's rude to ignore people?"

His eyes remained fixed on the page of the book in front of him, though they had long since stopped moving across the lines of text.

"Stupid git, I'm TALKING to you! _Oppugno!_ "

With a _crack!, _what felt like a large textbook slammed into Severus's back. He clenched his jaw and muttered "_Protego,_" speeding up his pace as he did so. Just a few more steps and he would be safely within the confines of the requirement room. Just a few more steps.

"Oh, Snivellus wants to play?"

Severus continued staring pointedly at the text as James's book continued to slam against the temporary wall created by the shield charm. A few more steps.

"Guys, we'll be late to class…" said another familiar voice. Severus need not turn around to picture the scene that was taking place behind him- he knew the drill well. First, James would glare exasperatedly at Remus. Next, Remus would shrug apologetically. Then James would frown, ruffle his hair (ridiculous, truly), and reluctantly follow Remus away.

Sure enough, Snape could hear James mutter; "damnit Moony, I was just having a bit of fun." Then, louder; "You got off easy this time Snivellus! _Accio textbook_."

Even as relief flooded his veins, Severus waited a moment before turning around. He scowled at the retreating backs of James, Sirius, and Lupin. How he longed to hex them into an oblivionHe watched them until they had disappeared into the stream of students weaving along the hallway. Reassured, he turned to the wall across from the portrait of Barnaby and the ballet trolls. Smirking nervously at nothing in particular, he paced back and forth in front of the wall three times.

Turning around after the third time, Severus smiled with satisfaction. A gleaming oak door stood where there had previously only been a wall. He glanced around anxiously, and noted with satisfaction that no one spared him a passing glance. His heart began to pound as he opened the door.

"You made it," she whispered.

------------------------------

"_Snape, you dropped this."_

_Snape's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes at the girl in front of him. She gazed firmly back into his face, unflinching, His heart gave a feeble jolt as he realized who it was._

"_I don't know who the Half-Blood Prince is, but you'd better keep a better eye on his things," she said, as a soft smile played on her lips._

_Sneering, he wrenched the book from her hands._

"_I'd rather lose it than have filthy mudblood handprints all over it," he spat._

_The smile melted off her face, and she sniffed haughtily. "I'll keep that in mind," she snarled. With a glare, she turned and stalked away._

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"I'm sorry about earlier."

Her fingers wove into his hair, and he allowed her to pull him closer. A shiver ran up his spine.

"It had to happen," she responded. He could feel her breath on his cheek.

"Do you truly believe we can keep this up forever?"

A pause in the rhythm of her breathing. He found that he, too, was holding his breath.

"Severus…" she began softly. She kissed him, lingering on his lips before continuing. "Severus," she said again. "I'm a Gryffindor… you're a Slytherin."

He sighed, raising a hand to his brow. "I know," he said softly.

"Your enemies are my friends," she continued.

He said nothing, but allowed anger to simmer inside him. _Potter._

"I don't want to give James any more reason to hurt you," she whispered. "You know how he gets when he's jealous."

He gazed into her eyes. Those beautiful emerald eyes.

"Lily…" he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too Severus."


	2. Chapter 2

_Prelude  
_by_ Your Undoing  
Chapter 2  
_When I wrote the first chapter I wasn't really sure if I was going to add on to it or not... but I've got nothing better to do, and it's really fun to write, so here you go!  
Thanks for reviewing, Phoenix Firefly. Hopefully this chapter clears things up a bit. 

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Professor Snape sat stiffly behind the staff table, eyeing the boy with the messy black hair as one might examine a particularly complex puzzle. Not sure where to begin. Where _should _he begin? As the boy known as Harry Potter stepped nervously up to the Sorting Hat, he turned that dark head of his and looked around.

For a fraction of a second, their eyes met. Those _eyes. _It pained him just to see them.

Almost instantly— as if it were a practiced reaction— Severus Snape composed his face into a sneer.

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_Cloaked attackers danced around a lone figure. Their voices were jeering, and their words echoed across the barren landscape. "Mudblood," they spat, "Gryffindor, fool, unloved and unwanted, MUDBLOOD, MUDBLOOD." As the figure raised her head, a hood fell away revealing auburn hair. Her emerald eyes shimmered with tears as the figures continued circling, taunting and laughing…_

Severus awoke with a jolt, breathing heavily. His heart was pounding painfully in his chest- with a grimace, he rolled over on his side. He swept a curtain of black hair out of his eyes, and glared into the darkness beyond his pillow.

_The same dream again._

_DAMNIT_. He clenched his fists and swung blindly into the air. _DAMNIT!_ He shuddered, feeling borderline helpless.

There was nothing he could do. She _made _him hurt her. It was her own decision. Like she'd said… his enemies were her friends. They didn't want to cause trouble in the public eye.

_Oh, cause this is just a bloody walk in the park._

He sneered into the dark. Ah… the _sneer._ The sneer and the snarl and the smirk, the glares and the taunts… but for what? Just so they could stay a secret? To prevent unnecessary pain?

Wasn't _this _unnecessary pain?

He hated it. They both did. At least, he thought she did too. The name calling and the insults, all to protect their _secret relationship_… But at the times when his face hardened and his words stung, his heart was breaking. Every time he saw her coming, the sadness welled up inside him like some sickening potion threatening to boil over. Because when Lily and him met in public, they had to hate each other.

But God, he didn't hate her. He bloody _lived _for her. And even though they both knew it had to be done, there were times when Lily would be caught off guard. Or times when he went too far.

It was the look on her face at times like those that made it hurt infinitely worse.

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"Now can anyone tell me the difference between monkswood and wolfbane?"

Severus smiled smugly as he surveyed the room. Not a single hand was raised. He noted with amusement that James was staring fixedly at the floor, avoiding eye contact with Professor Slughorn, who was gazing expectantly out at the class.

"Potter, how about you?"

Severus could feel his lip instinctively curl as James looked up at the professor, flashing a "charming" smile and drawing a hand up to ruffle his hair.

"You know sir, I believe I must have missed that in the reading." He sighed loudly, the smile still plastered to his face.

"Oh quite fine, my boy. It happens to the best of us sometimes," Slughorn said with a wink. "Now who's that in the back? Snape, is it? Care to offer a guess?"

"They are the same plant," he said mechanically, taken slightly aback by the fact that Slughorn had randomly called on him- perhaps the only person in the room besides the professor that knew the answer.

"Excellent! 5 points to Slytherin," Slughorn exclaimed. He turned to the blackboard, waving his wand as white scrawled writing began to appear. As he began to speak again, raising his voice over the scratching noises issuing from the board, a different voice issued across the room.

"Snivellus thinks he's so smart."

Severus looked up for the source of the voice, slightly startled (and mentally scolding himself for not expecting it). Sirius Black had turned around in his chair- turning to face James, who was sitting behind him. Severus, who was sitting several rows behind and to the left, turned his back to them and began copying down the words on the blackboard.

"He's mental, spends all his time with books." James's voice cut across the room like a razor.

All too conscious of the fact that at that exact moment, he was, in fact, buried within a notebook, Severus continued writing.

"Well it's not like he has any friends."

He realized he'd written the word _mixture _five times in a row without even noticing. Hand quivering with anger now, he drew a shaky line through the last four.

"At least we can be reassured by the fact that the slimy git will never reproduce. Like a girl could even _look _at him without running away."

The quill snapped with a soft _crick!_ Severus crumbled the remnants in his hand.

"Don't be stupid."

As James's voice had sliced across the room, so did Lily's now. Feeling his face flush, he bent down to dump the sandy vestiges of the quill into his bag,

"Oh, Evans! Been eavesdropping?"

Even as he rummaged through his bag for another quill, Severus could envision James ruffling his hair. Disgusting.

"Actually, I've been trying to do my work. But seeing as you were practically shouting insults across the classroom, I found it rather hard not to listen."

A new quill was clutched tightly in his hand, but Severus didn't dare sit up.

"Oh come on. It's not like anyone in here thinks we're wrong," James growled with a hint of laughter.

"That doesn't make it okay. You're just as bad as he is."

_Just… as bad. As James? _

"Having fun over there?" Snape sneered as he sat up.

"Loads…" James hissed, as Slughorn turned away from the board and began pacing aisles.

"You're going to pay for this, Potter."

"Ohh, did ickle Sevvie get his feewings hoowt?"

James and Sirius shook with suppressed mirth as Slughorn bent down to discuss something with a student sitting two rows ahead of them. Anger boiled inside of Severus as he glared at them, willing daggers to shoot from his eyes. It was then that he saw Lily's face.

It was one of those moments. It had nothing to do with him this time- well, no. It did. But he wasn't to blame. The sadness and confusion in her expression caused the anger within him to roar ever higher. Of course he knew what it was about- she was torn.

Even as his heart swelled with pity for Lily, he could feel the jealousy nibbling away at his mind like a termite.

Torn… between him and James. Torn.

There should be no question about it. She loved him. Not Potter. _Him._

So why did she look so sad standing up to James?


	3. Chapter 3

_Prelude  
_by_ Your Undoing  
Chapter 3  
_Ugh, this took me forever to write... I'm such a freaky perfectionist it isn't even funny. That said, please read & review- I'm sure you can come up with some constructive criticism anyway.

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"I'm so sorry Severus. About James."

Even in the near-dark of the requirement room, he could feel those jade eyes- piercing straight through his pale silhouette, reaching down into his heart. Waiting for him to react. Standing on the edge of a precipice… preparing to fall.

_"Oy, Snivellus!" _

"Damnit Moony, I was just having a bit of fun…"

"He's mental, spends all his time with books"

"Like a girl could even look at him without running away…"

_Stop it. Stop. _

The taste of bile filled his mouth as he stared back at Lily through the dark. He didn't want to blame her. He couldn't stand the expression that he knew was written on her face. He couldn't stand to see her hurt. He couldn't stand to _make_ her hurt.

But it seemed that was all he could do. Time and time again, he found himself greeted by that look- the fallen face, the disappearing smile, a shadow of a tear in those beautifuleyesWhat had once been a game had become their conflict.

She stood there, staring at him in the dark. As her hand tentatively brushed Severus's cheek, he felt himself turning away.

"I'm sorry Lily," he whispered hoarsely. "I know you're torn."

He bowed his head, rubbing his brow. A small warm hand gripped his own. Instinctively, he allowed his hand to fall limply to his side… she didn't let go.

"Severus. Don't say that. You know I love you, and only you."

Her voice was calm, but he could feel the emotion just behind her lips. Whether it was sadness, guilt, or anger… he didn't know anymore.

"Only me," he repeated hollowly.

Lily wrapped her arms lightly around his torso. Tinted gray in the mock twilight, her eyes sparkled with what could've as easily been tears as passion.

"Only you."

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Professor Snape glared disapprovingly at the class sitting in front of him. The usual load of dunderheads, he was sure. Most were shifting anxiously in their seats, while those who weren't had begun making faces at one another across the classroom. _Why _Dumbledore insisted on grouping Gryffindors and Slytherins together in his class…

Of course, first year Gryffindors meant Harry Potter.

Snape glowered at the parchment in front of him, scanning down the list of names. Yes… there he was. Quickly swallowing the feeling of dread in his stomach, he scowled around at the class.

"Lavender Brown," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"H-here," squeaked a small girl with a button nose.

Marking a small check next to her name, he continued down the list.

"Vincent Crabbe…"

The beefy looking boy he'd noticed at the sorting made a low grunting noise.

_Dunderheads indeed._ Continuing down the list, he was embarrassed to realize how reluctant he was to call Harry's name.

_Considering the circumstances._

"Ah, yes.." he found himself saying softly. Realizing he had paused, he jerked his eyes up to glare, sneering, at the class.

"Harry Potter. Our new— _celebrity._"

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The sun glanced off the black lake and sparkled serenely in the winter mist as Severus strode across the grounds. His heart pounded in his throat as his feet, normally surprisingly graceful, trudged heavily across the muddy grass. His lower lip glowed pink against his stark-white face- unusually pale, even for him. It looked as though whoever had stolen most of the pigment from his skin in the first place had come back to finish the job.

"_Hey Snape, you know what I heard?"  
"What," he snapped irritably  
"I know you'll find this good"  
"…"  
_"_I heard- now you're not going to tell anyone, alright? But Black, he said that Potter- you know Potter- finally got around to snogging that Evans girl over the weekend."_

He didn't care that it was hearsay. He didn't care that every bone in his body ached for it to be a lie; he didn't care that stupid Pettigrew would make up any story if it got him a moment's attention, even from a taciturn Slytherin.

He didn't care that everyone was there. He didn't care that Lily looked so god damn happy for once. He didn't care that he was biting his lip so hard that a small trickle of blood was running down his chin. He didn't care that James smiled even wider as he noticed him approach. He didn't care if everyone in the world saw what would happen next.

"Snivellus? What are you- _get off her!_"

Severus grabbed her roughly by the shoulder. Her auburn hair swirled through the air as her head whipped around with surprise.

"Severus?" she whispered. Her forehead creased as her eyes widened with confusion.

"I said _get off her_."

Severus didn't bother to glance up at James. He knew that multiple wands were being pointed at him now- but he didn't care. He didn't bloody care.

"What- what's going on?" she asked in a small voice.

"What's going on?!" he echoed. His voice sounded unfamiliar to him, high pitched and bordering on panicked. "What's going on?! Why don't you tell _me_, Lily? Tell me what the hell is going on!"

He turned to glare at the rest of the group, daring them to challenge him. James had lowered his wand, his look of usual disgust laced with confusion.

"Why don't you tell them, Lily? Why don't you tell them what's going on, eh? Why don't you tell the BLOODY TRUTH?!"

He was yelling now. Passersby were picking up their pace, clearing the way for a possible duel. Those who didn't leave were watching with interest. Like it was a bloody soap opera.

Lily was frozen. The tears that had so often threatened to stream from her eyes had finally broken past any mental barriers she may have previously possessed. Tears clung to her eyelashes, framing those malachite eyes. Slowly, she shook her head.

"Lily? What's going on?"

James's voice was so unfamiliar sounding that for a moment Severus didn't realize it was him. The hatred that always spewed from his mouth was gone, replaced by such a tender concern that it made Severus's blood boil.

For a moment Lily closed her eyes, sending tears seeping out from beneath her eyelids. "Severus… Severus, I…"

"Lily," he croaked. "do you love me?"

He didn't notice the stunned silence; he didn't notice the fact that, for once, James was keeping his mouth shut. All he could see was her eyes, and the fact that there was no more hope behind that cloud of tears.

"Lily. Look at me."

Drawing a shuddery breath, she stared silently at the ground. With a choked sob, she slowly shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.


End file.
